Until recently, I was a firm believer in the idea that I was actually doing a service by leaving my dog’s droppings where they could fertilize the grass/sidewalk/neighbor’s garden. I mean, hasn’t anybody ever heard of the circle of life? But after receiving a notice on the door of my house and seeing a new sign posted in my neighborhood warning against not curbing your pet, I have started collecting Kobe’s poop in plastic bags on our morning walks.
However, I am strongly averse to the idea of wrapping my hand around a fresh pile, plastic bag or not, so I’ve developed a foolproof system. When Kobe starts squatting and frantically circling, I chase him around with the bag, position it open under his butt, and catch his droppings. Then I simply close up the bag, tie it off, and die of humiliation at the realization that people in their houses just watched me scurry to catch somebody’s poop. But really, the joke is on them, because while they’re laughing at me, I’m just feeling lucky that at least this time I used a bag.
In college I took “custody” of the family dog for a semester so my parents could travel for awhile and not kennel him. After driving him 8 hours to my apartment, I promptly taught him two important lessons. One, we don’t get up at 8 am like Dad does, and two, to poop directly into a bush. It was genius. Afterwards I would look around the block with a look that said “Oh look at that. Right into the bush! I can’t pick that up..not even if I tried.”