If you’d asked me a year ago if I wanted children, I would have said yes enthusiastically and even explained my ongoing debate about when in my cycling career it would be best to fit giving birth to the aforementioned baby. Somewhere along the way, I found my answer: NEVER.
Okay, that’s bullshit; I’m still on the fence. I just wanted to end that paragraph with something more dramatic than MEH.
I think my issue with kids is twofold. First, I am realistic about my personality: I am neurotic about my space, cleanliness, staying in top physical shape for riding, attaining my goals, and being organized and in control. None of those are conducive to having a helpless being come out of my body and require that I wipe its butt and teach it to be a person. From what I can tell, toddlers are not generally obsessed with goal-reaching and neatness: Exhibit A, a toddler at an event I attended last weekend kept wandering around, babbling, and eating things off the floor.
My second issue is that when you have a kid, you basically rip off a huge part of your heart, give it to a tiny person, and are forced to watch them grow into a completely independent person capable of being hurt, being killed, being seduced into joining a cult, being somebody who gets a B on an exam, etc. In other words, the potential for getting hurt is huge.
I don’t know that I want to handle the second issue. When I got Kobe (dog #1, for the uninitiated), I never expected that I would fall deeply in love with an animal that sometimes tries to lick his own butt, yet here we are. I took him running last week, we went a bit farther than normal, and suddenly he had a frightening sort of collapse on the trail. Ultimately it turned out to be a leg cramp that scared the crap out of him, but in the moments where I was frantically carrying him through the woods and trying to rush home, I felt like somebody had taken all of the air out of the world. It was terrifying to think something might be seriously wrong with him, so terrifying that I almost felt paralyzed with fear. I love that dog so much that if anything ever happened to him, I don’t know how I would ever be okay again.
If I get this wrapped up in my dog, how will I ever make it through raising a kid? It’s so easy to get your heart broken…the kid could get seriously hurt, get sick, get kidnapped, turn into a criminal, grow up to hate me, get eaten by wolves, and so on.
My mother tells me I don’t have to make a decision right now (translation: don’t rule out my grandchildren yet or I’ll cut you) and she’s right. I have time. My coach is just about to have her first baby in a week, and that’s after wrapping up an amazing cycling career. I just don’t know what will shift in my life to change my perspectives on the risks that come with reproduction. It’s also telling that I consider the risk of getting my heart crushed by a failed child-rearing attempt equal to the risk of my child touching something in a public bathroom and then touching me.
Perhaps things will all feel different when I reach the ripe old age of 26…in twelve days.
Glad to hear that Kobe is ok! I had a scare with my dog Max last week, but it hasn’t turned out as well. He tore his ACL and it is killing me… So I totally understand your point there.
Hi Tyler. I’m really sorry Max tore his ACL – I hope things get better soon. How do they treat that in dogs?
Thanks! He is going to be examined tomorrow and then may have surgery. When the dog is still young, that is the best way to treat it.
You have time to decide…but not as much time as you think. Understand that while your child(ren) may be out of the house at 18, you most likely will be parenting in some capacity (and perhaps helping financially) until they are at least 25 or so. So if you wait to make a decision until 35, you’re really a parent until you’re 60 when you’re (hopefully) looking at retirement. I realized too late at 33 how I felt about having kids and now wish someone had told me what I’m telling you.
One of the upsides of being an athlete and having a kid: baby boost. Just time it right so that you have the kid, then about 6mo to get back in shape and still have all that extra oxygen carrying capacity.