One of the biggest downsides of living alone is that I am the only person that does housework. That is generally fine, with the exception of vacuuming.
I hate the vacuum. When I was a teenager, one of my chores was to vacuum the house, and I would get so angry at the task that I would tear up in fury and ram the vacuum into the walls. It proved nothing, except maybe that my mom had made a good choice in purchasing a resilient vacuum.
Bobby handled the vacuuming of our two-bedroom condo almost exclusively, but since he no longer lives here, he no longer vacuums. Inconsiderate bastard. Anyway, as a result I am forced to either live with tumbleweeds of dog fur and other dirt (gross after a week of accumulation) or pull out the vacuum and take fifteen minutes to clean the floors. I like to wait as long as possible to do this, but at some point it becomes less of an issue of motivation and more of an issue of squalor. When Bobby was over last night, he wanted me to lay down on the floor with him and I was all, DUDE, I know who cleans the floors around here. NO. So today I decided it was time to do something about it.
I’m not alone in hating the vacuum. Even the dogs have issues with it. Kobe panics, lunging at the vacuum and biting it ferociously, and then runs around the room collecting his toys and bed. Scout tries to mount Kobe. I don’t understand either impulse; vacuuming neither makes me want to bite things and hoard my belongings, nor get it on. But I can at least sympathize with feeling strong emotions about the whole thing.
Vacuuming? It sucks.
I seriously don’t understand your hatred for the vacuum. I don’t. I’m pretty sure your hatred for it is what drove Kobe mad in response to it, too. Poor little impressionable pup. Scout’s reaction concerns me, as he wasn’t really doing that before, but maybe he just gets excited by Kobe’s madness. Eww.
You could pay me to vacuum!…I could come by twice a week and do that for you! Totally awesome idea! Give me a call, we’ll work out the details. I’m cheap, too. Like $50 a vacuum!
Gotta say, I can’t be into any dish who’s not into “vacuuming”. Let’s face it, ANY dude willing to double-down (Hi Tiger!) and get married needs some essentials…and that’s one of ’em. Well, that and cleaning…
Blu Gnu, call me. *wink, wink*
This place needs a damn update. How else am I suppose to flex my intellectual superiority and mercilessly taunt the less e-gifted amongst us? Sheesh.
Hey!! Who you callin’ less e-gifted?
Oh, I get it. ET is pretty smart, but not quite up to OUR snuff. I agree, LAMM. Is it really necessary to taunt him, though? I mean, he IS a pretty loyal reader. He does seem like a pretty nice guy, too…
I’m with you on the whole “this place needs an update” sentiment. Won’t you give LAMM another soap box to stand on, Linneke? PLEASE?…
Blu Gnu,
I’ll cut ET a break when he quits bringing the weak sauce to the e-party.
The beauty of the written word is the affordability of time with which one can measure and craft words and phrases. Simply gunning from the hip like we’re some semi-captivated audience of loosely associated “friends” standing around yammering nonsensically with PBRs in our hands should be reserved for mindless interactions in shitholes like Wonderland Ballroom or The Red Derby — where clearly the end-game to all the intellectually “edgy” peacocking is rhythmic body on body contact. And even then, I think we can all agree that less is more. Cheese and rice.
It’s like my mother use to say, “If you don’t have something nice/constructive to say, shut your Goddamn mouth…”
Blu Gnu, lets hear you crazy plans for the snow days ahead and Christmas. What should I get my 4yr old nephew? Wild man with penchant for destruction. Thinking air rifle and NRA membership…