Closing Statement

Posted on by lindsay
Dear Paul,It has been about nine months since I moved out to start my life over, and I guess it would not come as a surprise to you to know that I've been doing a bit of dating lately. For the most part, I've kept everything related to our marriage off this blog because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have, but I'd like to start hiding less of my life, which means the occasional post about dating and/or relationships. In case you do still stop by this site, I think you deserve an introduction to this new phase of my life above and beyond having me just jump right in.To be perfectly honest, I know that you have at least taken steps to move on as well. When I stopped by our apartment a few months ago, I was snooping around (you always loved ...continue reading.

Sharing Dirty Personal Secrets

Posted on by lindsay
Today is cleaning day at Haus Hoffmansteingoldberg (aka Home of The Landlord), a day that is more easily recognized by the endless soundtrack of Depeche Mode rather than by the actual appearance of cleaning. I'm not sure what the attraction is to Depeche Mode - don't get me wrong, they're fine, but to listen to them for hours? Any sane person can really only enjoy so much of their own personal Jesus. Evidently, however, that rule does not apply to The Landlord, whose self-proclaimed favorite hobby is cleaning his guns in the dark basement while listening to Depeche Mode on repeat.But watching The Landlord clean reminded me of a memory that I'd suppressed for the past decade, a memory that is so disturbing that it should have remained dormant for all eternity. But now that it's out and swimming through my head, I figured it might as well go on ...continue reading.

In Need of Dust

Posted on by lindsay
When I was in high school, I worked at a small pet store that carried a wide assortment of animals, including the occasional chinchilla. These small squirrel-like animals have delightfully soft fur that feels marvelous if you stuff one under your shirt or down your pants. I'm kidding. In actuality, it probably would be fairly enjoyable, but I've never tried. The inappropriate factor aside, chinchillas have sharp rodent teeth that make nestling one next to tender parts of your anatomy a poor idea.I'm getting off topic.My favorite thing about these chinchillas was that they required regular dust baths. You'd find a dish roughly the size of a dinner plate, fill it with special chinchilla dust, and drop in the little animal. Within a moment, the chinchilla begins to writhe frantically in the dust, flipping and diving until the dust has removed all traces of oil and moisture from its fur. ...continue reading.

Are you there, God? It’s me, Lindsay.

Posted on by lindsay
While cleaning out my old room at my parents' house this past weekend, I came upon my old diary from seventh grade. It had apparently been out in plain sight for some time, stuck on a bookshelf for anyone to read. As in, hey, look, Popular Mechanics, Interviews for Dummies, and Lindsay's Hopes and Dreams, all for your reading pleasure. And my parents wonder why I have no qualms about discussing my personal life on the Internet.The sad part about my journal was that the majority of it was me going on and on about school and homework. There were endless pages of discussions on how stressed I was by the rigors of middle school algebra and countless listings of the status of my grades, which ultimately ended up being straight As. As I was reading through the journal, I finally came upon a sentence that gave me a ray ...continue reading.

Signs of Aging

Posted on by lindsay
In case you were wondering where I found the child and the French Mastiff pictured in the post below, I babysat on Saturday night. That should also explain why I was trying to get the dog to eat the little boy.When I was a teenager, I hated babysitting. The children would climb on me or show me something they fished out of their baby sister's ear, and I'd paste on a huge smile and coo happily until they turned around, at which point my grimace of disgust would nearly incinerate the children on the spot. The moments would crawl by painfully, and the second the parents would return, I'd sprint home and scrub myself with Lysol.Perhaps it's just because I'm paid a lot more than I used to be, or maybe because I'm getting older and actually experiencing periodic maternal urges, but I don't find babysitting nearly as painful as ...continue reading.

Shit Happened

Posted on by lindsay
At my aunt's house on Christmas Eve, a cousin that I had not seen since the previous Christmas and with whom I have no personal relationship looked over at me while I was stuffing truffles into my face and snidely asked, "What happened?" I knew she was asking about my marriage, but I couldn't believe she had the audacity to be so rude, and what was that about people living in glass houses not throwing stones anyway? I stammered out a response that clearly was not to her satisfaction, as she actually asked AGAIN, prompting me to snap something about minding her own business, grab my purse, and flee.But although rude, her question was fairly valid, not just in terms of my marriage but also in relation to the entire year. I can say with confidence that 2006 sucked. I was charged with reckless driving, I was arrested for trespassing, ...continue reading.