Til Death Do Us Part

Posted on by lindsay
I got married this past Tuesday. We're looking to give the Duggar family a run for their money. Nineteen kids? Pshaw. I plan to birth them in flocks, litters, herds. Just kidding. We're on our honeymoon and while Bobby gets ready, I'm watching television. We watch all of our shows on the Internet, so television is a weird thing to enjoy on special occasions. Right now I'm watching these freaks on TLC who have nineteen children. Dude. Nineteen children. You're not a human at that point; you're a factory trying to populate a small country. But back to the marriage thing. I'm excited, to say the least. I still can't get used to the idea that I married the guy I fell for over ten years ago. I keep thinking about random moments from a decade ago - when I got my first car and took Bobby for a ride ...continue reading.

Adventures in Domesticity

Posted on by lindsay
I offered to bring a vegetable dish to my parents' house for Easter dinner, but because my weekend has been really busy with riding and work obligations, I asked Bobby to handle making the dish. He fussed, telling me he didn't know how to cook and didn't have any interest in learning. I pointed out that even a monkey can follow the directions in a simple recipe, that it wasn't solely my job to prepare the food, and that he needed to redeem himself after the Let's Bring Cheesy Mac From A Box To A Wedding incident. This morning, I gave him some suggestions for easy dishes he could prepare, but evidently he has changed his tune overnight because he shot down my suggestions, saying: "I want to make something that people will try and be like, 'Bobby, you made this?' I want them to put me up on their ...continue reading.

Slip of the Tongue

Posted on by lindsay
As Bobby carefully maneuvers his car through the snow, he says: "The roads are starting to get slippy. Slippy. SLIIIIIIIPPPY! That is such a weird word. I can't believe the word is 'slippy'." "It's not. It's slippery."

Signed, Linny

Posted on by lindsay
In the course of conversation today, I was reminded of the time in fifth grade when I decided I wanted a nickname. At the time, "Linny" seemed like a great choice. Determined to make the nickname stick, I insisted on writing my name as "Linny" on all of my school papers. Nothing happened for a while and I figured my teacher was accepting of my new name. Not so. One day she called me up to her desk, pointed at an assignment where I'd written "Linny" in the header, and disdainfully asked, "What is that?" I tried to explain, at which point she told me my name was Lindsay and I should use that and that alone. I'm not bitter or anything, though. Bitch.

Whiner.

Posted on by lindsay
I feel kind of over writing this blog. Maybe I'm just being an irritable shit today. Probably, actually, but I still feel like quitting anyways. Sometimes I think it would be awesome to just drop off the Internet entirely; kill my Facebook account, unsubscribe from any mass emails, stop checking blogs and websites regularly. An analog existence actually sounds refreshing a lot of the time, and it certainly would help me avoid times like Monday afternoon, where I lost several hours to pointless surfing while avoiding a ride on the trainer. But then I'd miss the latest post on fmylife.com and then I'd probably catch fire. I've been grumpy for the past few days on and off for no discernible reason. It's annoying because I know I'm a drag to be around (I'm around myself all the time and it sucks), but I can't change the problem if I can't ...continue reading.

Bobby, starting 2010 with pure gold.

Posted on by lindsay
Addressing Scout, who had just finished his first bowl of kibble in days: "Word, little animal. Word." On being trapped in a car with a certain somebody following lunch: "Ew, you are a smelly burper. A belly smurper." Describing why I should stop chewing on my water bottle: "That's why pacifiers aren't good for adults. I mean men. Humans. Wait. Babies." While making left turn through an intersection without using a turn signal: "I'm turning left and NOBODY KNOWS BUT ME."