I snuggled up to you with my soft fur and passed to you a tick that latched onto your head, causing you to scream and jerk violently when you found it while adjusting your sweaty ponytail during our morning run.
Love,
Your Puppy
P.S. You may want to consider borrowing some of my Frontline.
So you’re finally living in full blown filth and squalor eh? Man, it’s been ages since I’ve been to a proper intervention!