I’ve been to a lot of interviews lately, and there have definitely been ones where I’ve realized almost immediately that I’d rather become a prostitute/starve/die before taking the job. The jobs are either incredibly boring and mundane or the people are dry and humorless, but either way, I instantly begin praying that they will choose somebody else. When I shared these feelings with my father today, he gave me some helpful questions to pose during the interview that are guaranteed to decrease my chances of being hired:
1. Will the insurance cover my pre-existing STDs?
2. Is it difficult to enroll in the lunchtime AA meetings? Because the twelve steps have really helped me lay off the nose candy.
3. What sort of benefits can I reap from the Employee Assistance Program?
4. How many days will I get off each year? What about sick leave?
5. Do you have an existing drug treatment program?
Caitlin provided some others:
6. “What’s the company policy on intraoffice dating?”
7. “By ‘standard business hours’ you mean eleven to four, correct?”
8. “Is it possible to prevent my boss from accessing my e-mails?”
9. “Does your IT department do regular scans for pornographic material?”
10. “Do you have any offices with locks on the doors?”
11. “Lunch breaks… I presume they range between two and three hours as they did at my last job. Yes?”
12. “Would you mind if I brought my dog to work with me? He’s had a horrible case of the runs recently, and I really need to keep an eye on him.”
13. “I’ve had a horrible case of the runs too. Oh! What a beautiful necklace! May I?! And what shiny hair you have! So soft!”
haha you may as well be like, “Are there any hot guys here? I dont care if they are married…” lol
14. Has anyone ever been let go here for “borrowing” office supplies for at home use?
15. I get bored really easily, so you won’t expect me to do the same thing more than once or twice a week, will you?
16. What brand toilet paper do you have in the bathrooms here?
17. Does my key open ALL office doors?