Bobby and I fell asleep on the couch tonight, stretched out in a sleepy pile for several hours after a long day. The house was completely peaceful and then suddenly, out of nowhere, came a fantastically loud crash that jolted us both awake. My first thought was OH MY GOD, THAT SOUNDED EXPENSIVE, followed by my rational assumption that Bobby’s shaving mirror had crashed to the floor of the shower, taking with it the metal can of shaving cream. As Bobby had gotten off the couch by that point and headed towards the bathroom – presumably to check out the source of the noise – and as I had not heard any reaction from him, I figured my guess was right.
Needless to say, I was completely shocked when I walked into the office/bike room and saw that the floor-to-ceiling bike rack holding both of our mountain bikes had fallen over. The scene was a disaster, with bikes and dried mud and destruction filling the floor, and I gasped audibly and froze in the doorway. Bobby came up behind me, took one look, and then said, “Well, we’ll get this cleaned up tomorrow.” When I protested and voiced my concern about damage to the bikes, he replied, “It’s one-fifteen in the morning and I want to go to bed. Besides, they’re mountain bikes. I’m sure they’re fine.” And I’m thinking, ARE YOU INSANE. First of all, had it not occurred to him to investigate the source of the noise that clearly had not turned out to be the shower mirror? Second, was he not the least bit concerned about damage to our stuff, our new condo, our multi-thousand dollar bikes? I was prepared to stay up all night if necessary, picking dirt out of the carpet with my fingernails and tenderly caressing the bikes with my tongue, checking for damage, while he was completely ambivalent about the whole disaster.
So he went to bed while I righted and inspected the bikes, threw away the broken crap, and vacuumed the dirt off the carpet. And while he is sleeping soundly, assured that nothing could possibly have been wrong, I am going to bed thinking that while men are from Mars, women are from SOMEWHERE TOTALLY LESS STUPID.
Men are idiots sometimes…from a boyfriend long ago:
Me: Honey did you hear that?
Him: hmmmppphhh
Me: Seriously. There is something in here. A mouse? A bug? A snake? Can’t you hear it?
Him: Shhh. Go back to bed.
Me: HOW DO YOU NOT HEAR THAT?
Him: There is nothing! Here! (Turns light on) Oh My God! That is the biggest freaking cockroach I’ve ever seen meandering across the floor. Its as big as a book.
Me: Told. You. So.