I baked to fill the empty feeling…

Posted on by lindsay
...but all I got was an entire bake sale worth of cupcakes and muffins: This whole death of a close relative thing is weird. I knew it was coming - Grandma was 85, in very poor health, and eager to move on to bigger and better things - but that hasn't made this a whole lot easier. I felt good for a lot of yesterday; I knew she was finally at peace and it was sort of like a long exhale after holding a breath for several months. But then when I ran out of things to do with my family last night and came home to an empty, silent house, it started to feel depressing. I spent the next several hours making five different types of baked goods and eating an entire cake's worth of batter, but that just left me with a stomachache and  too many muffins to ...continue reading.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Posted on by lindsay
My grandma and my iPod both died within the last 12 hours, but when we had exactly enough eggs this morning to make both breakfast and the muffins I was planning to bake, Bobby noted, "Looks like today is going to be one of those days where everything just works out." Grandma, if you are reading this somewhere, you're probably shaking your head because I can't keep from slapping my personal life on the Internet. But just know that I mean well, I miss you so much, and I am really glad you are no longer trying to set a record for the longest-running resident of hospice care. Rest in peace, and know that we will never forget you and that you are very much loved. I feel so lucky to have had you as a grandmother.

On crosses and candles.

Posted on by lindsay
My grandmother is dying. She has about a million things wrong with her health at this point, and even though she has proven to be incredibly strong and resilient, each day that goes by is a day in which she gets a bit weaker and a bit closer to the end. This past week, she moved into a hospice care center where she will spend the rest of her fading life.The funny part is that she is has been through so much and yet still she survives. As a family, we've all said our final goodbyes a half dozen times, we've planned for and expected the worst, and we've heard multiple bits of bad news about her health from doctors who are certain this time will surely be the end. I even stayed up late one night last week, crying and waiting for the call from my father. And yet ...continue reading.

A Message To Fellow Graduates From My High School Of Terrifying Overachievers That Make Me Feel Small Deep Inside

Posted on by lindsay
So okay, maybe you've completed your third graduate degree or traveled the world and saved orphans from deadly diseases in Asia or invented a new kind of computer that can run on nothing but elephant droppings or worked for the President or won Jeopardy for five straight years, but I can ride a bike through the woods like NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

Doors and Windows

Posted on by lindsay
I changed my medication a few weeks ago because the Lexapro I was taking had some side effects that I finally got tired of having in my life. Now I’m taking Wellbutrin, but I don’t think I quite have the dosage dialed in correctly, mostly because I hate everything and everyone in the world.Did I mention I’m starting a side career as a motivational speaker?Anyhoo, I have an appointment next Tuesday to recalibrate (in other words double or maybe quadruple) my daily dosage in hopes of getting back to a place that is normal and maybe even happy. When I went to this doctor last time to discuss my prescription switch, he tactfully asked if I had considered therapy, which I have many times. So many times, in fact, that I wouldn’t be surprised if I got a medical bill for all the thinking about therapy I’ve done. I explained ...continue reading.

Back by popular demand.

Posted on by lindsay
I suppose I owe the people who are kind enough to stop by here some kind of apology for disappearing and not bothering to write for a month. The last time I wrote, it was all, "I hate life! I hate me!" and then I stopped writing entirely and I'm certain more than one person has checked the obituaries for my name since that post. But I'm not dead; just fatally lazy, and now I'm trying to get back on track. In order to do so, I'm going to do another Bringing You Up To Speed On My Exciting Life post, so that when I reference my new pet jellyfish in a subsequent post, you're not completely lost. That was a lie, as I do not own a jellyfish, but the part about the post was not, so sit back, relax, and turn off your computer, because my life is ...continue reading.