Lindsay Goes West

Posted on by Lindsay
I made a list of my favorite people last night. Who does that?! It’s weird. To review the people in your life and pick the ones you love the most. It feels ridiculous, like I'm in third grade trying to decide who should be invited to my birthday party. But the list just popped into my head because I knew without hesitation who I'd want to have at my birthday party sharing my cake. I knew because I've spent the last few weeks preparing to say goodbye to everybody around me and when I think about these people, my cake people, it physically hurts to let go, even though it's just for now. I'm getting in my car today - in a moment, actually - and driving to Arizona. By next Friday, I need to be in Phoenix. There I'll ride with my team, race Valley of the Sun, and settle down ...continue reading.

Boom Clap The Sound Of My Heart

Posted on by Lindsay
When I went to registration at Chris Thater yesterday to pick up my race numbers, the man at the table looked down at his registration list and said,"Oh, your team name is blank. Do you want me to fill that in?" I teared up immediately because, duh, I cry over everything. "No," I squeaked. "I'm unattached." He didn't flinch, but I did for what was probably the hundredth time in the past few weeks, since everything went to shit and I bought my new unattached cycling license. It's hard to tell the story of how things unfolded this season without saying too much. Team Colavita has been my home for the past two seasons; my friends, my family on the road, my sole concern in races. I went from being a lone mercenary rider in 2012 hunting for results to being a part of a team plan and I loved the role. ...continue reading.

Never Gonna Give You Up

Posted on by Lindsay
There have been a lot of things that have gone wrong this season. I've struggled, cried, freaked out, and lost my head a few times, but in the end, I have come to this: I love to race my bike. It is easy to love racing when it is fun, when things are going well, when your results and your physical health are glowing. It is another thing entirely to come to the brink of quitting, to fail repeatedly and be totally broken down, and then claw your way back and decide you still love racing. I still love racing. Love training. Love riding. I am still here. Some people will probably remember me as the fragile person that imploded for several months this year. The rider with the eating issues who cried at race starts and backed away from challenges. I can't change everybody's minds. You can't win 'em all. But ...continue reading.

Disembarking The Sad Train

Posted on by Lindsay
If you read the last post here, you know that things this season have been challenging. There have been tears, defeats, disappointments, and a half dozen occasions in which I was chased by terrifying dogs on rural roads while thinking UGH JUST BITE ALREADY. It has been a difficult time. After coming home from the Joe Martin Stage Race, I intended to take some time away from racing to clear my head. I did take a break...if you consider the 12 days I was scheduled to be home prior to flying to the Tour of California Circuit Race a break. I went to California because the ticket was already booked and it was an opportunity that I felt like I shouldn't miss. It was a fun trip, so long as we don't count the hour in which I rode in circles with 108 other women while making unhappy faces and feeling miserable. Then ...continue reading.

This is a post I wrote a month ago

Posted on by Lindsay
Today is stage three of the Joe Martin Stage Race. I've written cue sheets, packed race snacks, laid out today's kit, and pinned race numbers. Also, I'm not racing. At the end of yesterday's stage, I jumped off the course onto the sidewalk 200 meters from the line, passed the finish area, and circled back to turn in my race number to the USA Cycling officials. "I'd like to turn in my number and withdraw," I said with conviction I didn't entirely feel. They looked surprised. "Are you sick?" one of them asked. It was a reasonable question, one I've asked myself over and over lately. "Um, yes," I replied, "in a manner of speaking." And that was it. Now I'm spending the next two days supporting my team from the sidelines before going home to regroup. Yesterday's race was a good note on which to step out; it was a beautiful day on ...continue reading.

2013 Recap

Posted on by Lindsay
This retrospective post was supposed to have been written yesterday, the first day of the new year, but I was too busy wringing out my liver, collecting the car from where we'd left it the night before, and reflecting on how the first highlight of 2014 was a 2am tequila-sodden rendition of Moulin Rouge's "Elephant Love Medley" while my father-in-law drove Andrew and me home. Yes, I know all of the words by heart. Something important I learned in 9th grade has been forgotten to make room for this gem. So anyway, it's time to say goodbye to 2013. It went by fast, it was full of memorable moments, and it took my life in directions I never expected. Like Boise, ID or Tybee Island, GA or that emergency room an hour from team camp in Borrego Springs. There are too many high points to try to recall them all: moments ...continue reading.