Certainty

Posted on by lindsay
My friend Jeff explained to me why he dumped his last girlfriend:"My grandfather was sick and really not doing well," he began, "and then he passed away. I spoke to her on the phone right after I got the news, and I was quite emotional about it. So then a week passes and she calls me and immediately asks how my grandfather is doing. And I'm like, well, he's still dead."I started laughing at this point, not because death is funny, but because that response seemed hysterical in my sick, tired, twisted mind. So Jeff continued."I mean, it clued me off to how dense she was; 'How is your grandfather?!?' I mean, come on, he's cremated. I'm pretty sure he's dead. We burned him."

How’s It Going, Pedophile?

Posted on by lindsay
Caitlin spots an exceptionally attractive male on the road and corners him at a stoplight. Rolling down her window, she asks, "Will you marry me?"The surprised gentleman responds with a no."Why not?" she inquires petulantly."I'm too young," he replies. "I'm seventeen."

Raining On My Parade

Posted on by lindsay
After spending seven hours surfing today at Virginia Beach, I was dismayed to notice that I had acquired an unattractive and angry sunburn on the backs of my legs. However, I am not one who often tans at all, so I announced to my surfing companion that I was going to wear a miniskirt tomorrow to showcase my new color.She responded snidely, "People are going to think you're, like, infected."

Obstinance

Posted on by lindsay
After the student organization happy hour and the Arlington campus welcome barbecue yesterday evening, I decided to go running with one of my classmates. I'd been drinking and eating heavily for the previous three hours (it was FREE FOOD, which to a law school student is the equivalent of hearing "YOU'VE JUST WON THE LOTTERY. TWICE."), so running seemed like a natural conclusion. We embarked from Arlington at around 8pm.The first part of the run went quite well, especially if you consider the fact that I was surrounded by my very own atmosphere of alcoholic air. We ran past Arlington Cemetery and the Potomac River, and stopped to visit FDR's memorial, the Reflecting Pool, and the Lincoln Memorial. My energy was waning as we strolled through Foggy Bottom a few hours later, but when my friend suggested taking the Metro back to Arlington, I staunchly refused. In my warped mind, ...continue reading.

Preferences

Posted on by lindsay
"Personally, I'd rather freeze to death than pee in my scuba suit." Also, despite having lived in Virginia for the past 21.75 years of my life, today was the first day I ever visited Virginia Beach. After getting a solid two hours of sleep and consuming a delicious milkshake and chicken biscuit from Chick-fil-a, my friend Hilary and I drove to the beach at 5am and surfed for a blissful six hours. I would also like to commend Hilary for being the type of girl who can get pulled over, cited for speeding, and STILL ask the officer for directions to the ocean.