“So do you think that hourly rate is per person, as in ‘I’d like to hire three people at that rate to trim my tree?'”
“No, I think it’s more of a ‘Here’s my tree; trim it.'”
***
“I accidentally peed on my face. If you need me, I’ll be scrubbing my face with bleach.”
***
“Do I look okay?”
“No, not at all. Your hair is frizzy and you look like you’ve gained weight.”
***
“Very professional outfit you’re wearing today. Do you always dress so haphazardly?”
***
“Have fun sperm shopping.”
***
“How did the meeting go? Did the Aleve help?”
“It certainly did. And I didn’t even cry or throw up on the client.”
***
“I cut my boyfriend’s hair and it looked great. So his roommate, who was always really rude to me, asked if I would cut his hair as well. I happily agreed and then butchered him, blaming the disastrous cut it on his unruly hair. He had to get his head shaved.”
***
“I know she’s self-centered. But enough about her now; can we talk about me?”
***
“She’s sworn off sex entirely; by the time she gets back into men, it’ll be like unwrapping a mummy.”
Gee I see some familiar dinner conversation here….. HELLO Mel, or better known as Mummy! 🙂
I think we all need to know who supplied the second quotation.