I know Panera is relatively noisy and crowded. I know I’m wearing headphones that give the illusion that I can’t hear background noises. I know we’re both here to use the free Internet. I know it’s a free country.
But for the love of God, please stop reading aloud from your computer.
I’m not sure why you need to read out loud in the first place. You’re sitting alone; you’re not on a phone or communicating with a webcam. You’re just sitting in front of your laptop reading out loud about special education. And really, I’m about to kill you. Because although you may think I can’t hear you, you’re speaking quite audibly, and you’re pushing me JUST THIS MUCH CLOSER to insanity. At first, I thought it was just weird to see you speaking to the screen of your laptop. But now, forty minutes later, I’m am in a blind rage, fighting the urge to chip little bits of porcelain off my coffee mug with my teeth to spit in your general direction.
Please, all I ask is that you just shut the hell up. Or go to another table, or another Panera, or another planet. I don’t care. Just stop before I am forced to do something that you may regret. Like dismember you, for example.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who Keeps Shooting You Nasty Looks