Why is it that both of my dogs not only perform a lengthy circling routine before relieving themselves, but also leap about wildly and excitedly upon completion, as if to say, “GOOD LORD, WOMAN! DID YOU SEE THAT? I JUST TOOK A FANTASTIC CRAP! I FEEL EXCELLENT!”
On this most recent outing, I also happened to be wearing my bathrobe. Okay, so that’s not a significant occurrence…to be honest, if it’s after 10pm or before 11am, I always wear my bathrobe and my Uggs to walk the dogs, regardless of whether it’s a short trip downstairs or a lengthy stroll around the neighborhood. Generally, I see absolutely nobody, and can convince myself that nobody notices the crazy lady who walks around in her bathrobe. Tonight, however, I was confronted by a person who came out of his townhouse, startling both Kobe and Aisha, who responded by bolting in opposite directions. This resulted in my being stuck in the middle of the well-lit street, in plain view of this complete stranger, held in place by two dogs who were equally determined to strangle themselves with their collars in a desperate attempt to flee. The man actually stopped in his tracks and stared, his awe compounded by the fact that I was, in fact, talking to the dogs. I then pulled a carefully-lettered sign from my deliciously fluffy robe that said SO I’M IN MY BATHROBE. EAT ME.