Because I needed to be in bed extra early last night, I decided to begin installing a shelf in the bathroom at 11:00pm. I had purchased a fancy little glass shelf at Bed, Bath, and Beyond (who saw a $3M increase in revenue in 2005 as a result of my wedding registry), and decided that I simply could not go another moment without installing it in the bathroom, where it is to serve absolutely no purpose other than to hold decorative candles. So I got out my tool kit, charged my power drill (Christmas gift from Dad in 2003), and installed my shelf.
When the shelf was successfully hung, I then began the process of cleaning up the drywall dust that resulted from the holes I had drilled. It seemed logical to use the vacuum cleaner, so I retrieved it from the hall closet, much to Kobe’s dismay.
[A bit of history: Kobe abhors the vacuum, and goes on the attack the minute it comes out of the closet, alternating between shrieking loudly while hiding from it, and barking aggressively and biting at it. For some reason, he has the impression that the vacuum cleaner is after his toys, and so to keep his belongings safe, he will charge the area being vacuumed and snatch any toys/bedding of his to pile them elsewhere in the apartment. This would be adorable, except for the fact that he is also screaming like a parrot being smashed in a waffle iron while biting at the backs of my legs.]
So I dragged the vacuum into the bathroom and quickly eliminated all traces of drywall, as Kobe tried desperately to gnaw through the vacuum tube. Somehow, he pulled on the vacuum and caused it to start sucking up the bathroom rug. A horrible sound ensued, and the vacuum quickly vomited out everything it had just consumed and then some, resulting in a thick shower of dust and dog hair all over the entire floor.
If the dog wasn’t so damn cute, I’d have thrown him off the balcony years ago.