Somehow this funny little story turned into post from CareerBuilder.
My most recent project at work has been the particularly mind-numbing task of reformatting and editing forty-seven resumes that are going to be included in a proposal. Resume formatting is horribly boring and repetitive, so to pass the time I've started actually paying attention to the content of the resumes. It amazes me to see the kind of poorly-written tripe people put in the document that is intended to represent the sum total of their professional selves. Some resumes are obscenely long, detailed, and impossible to follow, while others describe entire years spent doing a job using a single bullet point. The best resumes (and by "best", I mean the most likely to entertain people around me) and the ones with objective statements, because 95% of the time, the statements are pointless crap. Exhibit A:"To utilize my education and professional experience, while increasing my leadership abilities, to contribute towards achieving ...continue reading.
Reading a restaurant review this morning led me to the dictionary to discover this delicious entry.
ex•cres•cence |ikˈskresəns|nouna distinct outgrowth on a human or animal body or on a plant, esp. one that is the result of disease or abnormality.• an unattractive or superfluous addition or feature : removing the excrescences of later interpretation.ORIGIN late Middle English : from Latin excrescentia, from excrescere ‘grow out,’ from ex- ‘out’ + crescere ‘grow.’
Stupid, Inconsiderate Grandma
"I mean, I know that everybody's gotta die and all, but still. When I had my daughter, my grandmother came to see her, hit me up for one-fifty, and then went back out to the country. Now that I have my son, I wanted her to meet him too, but then she had to go and die."-Thoughtful workman by the elevator in my building, sharing his woes with a coworker.
Minty Fresh
I understand the point of bathroom air fresheners. They smell lovely and are certainly an improvement over the alternative. But no matter how enjoyable a particular scent is when I am subjected to it the first few times, there quickly comes a time when all I can think is, "POOP. SOMEBODY JUST WENT POOP."