Joy to the World or Something Like That

Posted on by Lindsay
Merry Christmas. It doesn't feel like Christmas; it's in the 70s outside, I didn't decorate the house, I'm moving west on Monday morning. What makes it Christmas for you? Cold weather? The promise that you might get an Apple watch? Eggnog and fruitcake? For me, I don't know anymore. There are no gifts that I want and my only wishes this holiday are intangible. I want Andrew to be happy. I want my parents to enjoy their lives. I want Kobe to know that I love him more than anything even though he's staying behind when I go. I want Tanner to trust me enough to be calm as we head out into the world together. I want people to not ask questions I'm unprepared to answer in the coming weeks. I want everything to be okay. Most of all, I want the handful of people around me today to know that I would be nothing ...continue reading.

Apparently this is life

Posted on by Lindsay
In looking at this site the other day, I noticed that the page about the dogs has yet to be updated. How do I write Scout out of the plot here? It’s one thing to add a paragraph about Tanner and how he is so wonderful except for the part where I can now touch concrete through over a dozen holes in the bedroom carpet. It’s an entirely different matter to turn everything about Scout into the past tense and then cap his bio off with “…and now he’s dead.” I like to say it that way for the shock value; not for you, but for me. Something about putting it so bluntly makes it feel like bludgeoning myself over the head with a watermelon in a pillowcase. In the days right after he died, I’d say it over and over in different ways like some weird chant. “He’s dead. HE’s ...continue reading.

New Kid on the Block

Posted on by Lindsay
We got another dog. I couldn't decide whether to say "I" or "we" there because while he is definitely our dog, the half-baked planning and dogged (zing!) obsessiveness around getting another Shiba Inu were all mine. Searching for another Shiba to adopt became my life's sole focus shortly after Scout died. Early on, people asked if we were going to get another one and I recoiled in horror at the very idea of trying to replace Scout. The body wasn't even cold yet! JESUS, PEOPLE. But then I found myself in the Pets section on Craigslist, looking for a dog to adopt. Also Petfinder, Adopt-a-Pet, Petango, various county/city animal shelters, SPCA sites, the Humane Society, and every Shiba Inu rescue group in America. It was psychotic; I'd search every site and then start all over again automatically because maybe the right dog had been listed since the last search...eleven minutes ago. ...continue reading.

What do you get for the guy who is everything?

Posted on by Lindsay
Hi Dad! Happy Father's Day! Remember last year when you gave me a helpful suggestion for what to get you for this special day? Once again, that did not happen. I'm sorry. Surely it's some consolation that I left my M Coupe at your house a few months ago with strict instructions to drive it regularly. Happy Father's Day, here's my car to babysit? Children really are a gift that keeps on giving. When I thought about other things I could get you, I drew a blank because you already have the one thing you wanted most over the last few decades: I didn't think "the more the merrier" applied to rubber chickens, so I did not get you another one. Besides, I'm pretty sure you already have one of everything else in the universe: Instead, I made you a card and dinner (although we both know I ordered the ...continue reading.

Fail to Win

Posted on by Lindsay
I raced Philly. We packed Kobe into the car to join us for the trip, I showed up and only cried three times, and then I raced. It was somewhat surreal; my first World Cup and I couldn't even engage enough to feel anxious. At one point during the race, Lauren Hall made a comment about how I wasn't smiling and so I replied, "my dog died," and started to cry. She then pointed out the moto with the camera that was filming us. Good times. Before the race started, I noticed my teammate had "FAIL" written on her bars. That seemed like an interesting tactic and for a moment I thought about writing "YOU SUCK" on mine in solidarity, but instead asked for an explanation. "It's a reminder," she answered. "Fail to win. It reminds me to go out and give everything I've got to win." I mulled that over ...continue reading.

To My Dog

Posted on by Lindsay
Dear Scout, When I first met you, you were tubby and fluffy and covered in filth, trotting down the driveway of the family that was giving you away for free on Craigslist. Some guy had gotten there first and was taking you home, and even though we'd known each other for about fourteen seconds, I knew you needed to be my dog. I followed the guy's truck as he drove away with you, flagged him down into a parking lot, and offered to pay an inordinate sum of money if I could have you. Then you vomited and pooped in my car. We were off to a great start. You were quiet and reserved when you first moved in, spending a lot of time in the armchair with your back to us and peeing on the corner of the bed so often I had to buy a new one. I ...continue reading.